Schmahl : “Schmackary’s – Zachary Schmahl’s portmanteau of a cookie business opens a storefront.” (- Editor, BlackBook magazine). There is in this restaurant’s name perhaps a hint of Schmeck, German and Yiddish for “taste” ; then, too, the notion of smacking one’s lips for culinary savour ; also undoubtedly there is a self-mocking overtone informing the restaurateur’s company name that echoes characteristic colloquial Yiddish reduplications such as “fancy-schmancy”. Schmeck < Ger., Geschmack, “taste” ; in Yiddish the connotation of Schmeck can be that of just the barest little taste, “a whiff” (but there are other definitions too, some less than savoury).
umami : a Japanese gustatory term, “A taste that is characteristic of monosodium glutamate and is associated with meats and other high-protein foods. It is sometimes considered to be a fifth basic taste along with sweet, sour, salty, and bitter.” (- The American Heritage Dictionary, 4th edition).
Hell’s Kitchen : a knockabout old neighbourhood on the West Side of Midtown in Manhattan, an area which also includes Chelsea.
Speckkuchen : literally “lard cakes” [Ger., Speck, “lard, bacon”] ; a German dish which is heavier than quiche, more like a hearty bacon and onion tart.
“insane fair fare for those who won’t be trading Chelsea for Branson this summer” : Probably this is a reference meaning one’s leaving the city and one’s home turf (i. e. the Chelsea neighbourhood of Manhattan) and going down to the Ozark Empire Fair near Branson, Missouri, where unusual foodstuffs might be had. There may be a sneaky suggestion as well, that because Branson is a destination for extremely old, culturally hide-bound or unadventurous people, they, at least, will not be sticking around to sample these new treat-trends in confectionery.
Sorry, cupcakes : Jesting valediction to a recent trendy-nostalgic wave amongst American foodies.
“flip the finger to your cardiologist and your rabbi” : i. e. disregard their counsel, in the first instance regarding healthful, “heart-healthy” diet, and in the second, the strictures or guide-lines of Leviticus and Halacha [Hebrew, “guidance”] which enumerate the kosher laws as to which foods may be eaten together, or at all.